Funny how a word that used to make me scrunch up my face in a less-than-attractive way now defines almost every day of my week. And I just recently noticed how full of contradictions my running is.
I have almost always been a hater of running. It makes my muscles scream, it makes my lungs ache for air, and it completely tears me down every time my feet hit the pavement. But that's also why I am a lover of running. Call me crazy (most people do), but I think that's referred to as a "runner's high". I always thought that was some giant myth all the insane people of the world (read: long distance runners) came up with in some sort of secret society meeting to trick us normal folk. That is, until I actually experienced "the high" for myself. It's that feeling when you know in your head you physically can't go another mile, but your feet just don't stop ; you just can't get enough. It's really a beautiful thing.
I run to forget. There's something soothing about the repetitiveness of my steps, the distance from where I started increasing, and the fast-paced music blaring into my ears that help everything else fade away. When I run, I forget about that giant test I have next week. I forget that I barely ever get to see my family. I forget that I had a horrible day. But even while I'm running away from all these thing, I remember. Running reminds me to be thankful for each breath I'm given and to never take my physically healthy body for granted. Running reminds me that I've been so blessed with so much.
I run because I can. I have the physical capability, the time (mostly), the shoes, the trails, and the motivation (sometimes). But I keep running because I can't. I can't run a half marathon... yet. I can't run that fast mile time I've been shooting for... yet. I can't match pace with that one person... yet. I have never claimed to be a great runner, or even a good one. Heck, I'm barely even a decent runner. But the more I run, the more I can.
Looks like my running actually fits quite well into my life - it makes no sense.