Monday Musings

- Midterms have a funny way of making you lose all motivation to do anything, even brush your teeth
- M&Ms may be more addicting than some drugs
- Correlating two people's schedules for a skype date is apparently an impossible task
- I wish the trees would stay this way forever
- Buying a new pair of Nike tights is the best motivation to go out on runs
- If you haven't listened to the Killers' new album Battle Born, do yourself a favor and check it out RIGHT NOW

“She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.”

― Brian Andreas

Running

Running. 
Funny how a word that used to make me scrunch up my face in a less-than-attractive way now defines almost every day of my week. And I just recently noticed how full of contradictions my running is.

I have almost always been a hater of running. It makes my muscles scream, it makes my lungs ache for air, and it completely tears me down every time my feet hit the pavement. But that's also why I am a lover of running. Call me crazy (most people do), but I think that's referred to as a "runner's high". I always thought that was some giant myth all the insane people of the world (read: long distance runners) came up with in some sort of secret society meeting to trick us normal folk. That is, until I actually experienced "the high" for myself. It's that feeling when you know in your head you physically can't go another mile, but your feet just don't stop ; you just can't get enough. It's really a beautiful thing.

I run to forget. There's something soothing about the repetitiveness of my steps, the distance from where I started increasing, and the fast-paced music blaring into my ears that help everything else fade away. When I run, I forget about that giant test I have next week. I forget that I barely ever get to see my family. I forget that I had a horrible day. But even while I'm running away from all these thing, I remember. Running reminds me to be thankful for each breath I'm given and to never take my physically healthy body for granted. Running reminds me that I've been so blessed with so much.

I run because I can. I have the physical capability, the time (mostly), the shoes, the trails, and the motivation (sometimes). But I keep running because I can't. I can't run a half marathon... yet. I can't run that fast mile time I've been shooting for... yet. I can't match pace with that one person... yet. I have never claimed to be a great runner, or even a good one. Heck, I'm barely even a decent runner. But the more I run, the more I can.

Looks like my running actually fits quite well into my life - it makes no sense.

Summertime

School at our back, sun on our face.
Nothing to worry about but sunburnt skin and sore legs.
Running, laughing, sweating, sleeping, stargazing, reading, soaking, dreaming.
Three months stretching endlessly ahead with unending possibilities.

I've been waiting for this

Another Second Gone By

time is a funny thing.

I like it, yet I hate it.
Without time, there would be no history. And I absolutely love reading and learning about history - it is beyond fascinating.
Without time, there would be nothing to look forward to - no eternity.
Without time, nothing would make sense.
And without time gone by, I wouldn't be where I am right now. And that would be incredibly depressing.

But yet... it often seems like time is working against me.
Time makes me miss things. Like my childhood. Like my sister being a baby. Like places I've been.
Time puts pressure on. It assigns deadlines, invokes panic, and emphasizes finality.
Time reveals our mortality in a way nothing else ever can.
And time makes me afraid to lose what I have. Especially in regards to relationships. Because with time, change is inevitable. And that scares me.

and the thing is, there's nothing at all I can do about time. The clock is going to keep on ticking, no matter what.
so I'm determined to cherish the time I've been given, and hopefully make it worth something.

Samson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8&ob=av2e

new goal: learn how to play this on the piano

The Inevitable

I thought we'd be different. That we were above it. I figured it'd be no big deal- we had too strong of a bond. And for a while, everything was fine. Distance was but a minor detail in our lives. We'd done months apart before, and even grown closer because of it.
but then, four months in, things began changing. And I always have a hard time with change.

We've become individuals independent of each other. I've learned so much about who I am, and who I want to become. And you have too, at least I think so. But this process of "finding ourselves" has revealed how little we might actually have in common. I mean, we had a shared location and so many years of mutual experiences.
what do we have now? memories... but is that all? When we have a shared location once again, will it all be back to normal-feeling, or have we become too distinct?

I suppose the inevitable was going to happen sooner or later, but I just didn't expect it to feel like this.

Take me back

It has been exactly 11 months, 3 weeks since I left Faith Village.
Even though I filled an entire half of a notebook within the first week of being back explaining everything I saw and felt, I could write about that week of my life forever.
But I don't want to. It makes my heart hurt too much.














They were the most beautiful people I've ever met. And happy.
They didn't have on fiftieth of everything I have, but they possessed a joy that went much deeper than anything here on earth could bring them. They loved me completely from the first day, before they even got to know me.
Worshiping arm in arm with Gai, having my hair braided everyday by Bon, sharing countless laughs with Galor even though we barely could communicate, climbing tree after tree with the cutest kid I have ever laid eyes on - OnPhon, playing soccer at midnight in the jungle with floodlights illuminating the field, dancing at the wedding celebration with the energetic brick yard kids and the shy teenage boys, playing the piano for Sing Chai and Prae's wedding, being greeted by two-year-old JJ's "swae-de-kap" and bow every morning, jumping rope with Sally, holding hands with all the local village girls, slip and sliding through mud and soap with everyone screaming and laughing, and releasing glowing fire lanterns into the inky night sky with some of the most incredible people I'd ever met on my last night were just a few of the highlights that make me miss that week of my life more than anything.
That was hands-down the most life-changing and inspiring week of my life.
And I can only pray I can go back someday.

Don't forget to smile

Things that never fail to bring a smile to my face:

- coffee
- coloring
- glitter
- the saying "that's the cat's pajamas"
- The Office
- birthday cakes
- bright colors
- my best friend
- playing hide and seek
- mittens
- Metro Station
- sunshine
- any kind of flowers, but especially daisies
- kiwis

Check Yourself

Some days life feels like a giant check-list. actually, most days it feels like this.

Wake up: check
Go to classes: check
Write a paper: check
Run: check
Study for hours: check
Talk to the necessary people: check
Go to bed: check.
Repeat: indefinitely

This isn't how we're designed to live our lives.
This isn't how we should settle to live our lives.

Jesus calls us to daily take up our cross and follow him. This is not supposed to be another mundane check to neatly tic off our to-do lists. Instead, it's a mandate to live differently. To be purposeful with our actions. To deliberately choose Him over ourselves
While it would be fantastic to be able to change up what we do everyday, we do have responsibilities that we are not able to just abandon in favor of running around the globe proclaiming the name of our awesome Savior.
After all, the Lord has graciously called me to the role of being a college student, and going to classes, writing papers, doing my homework, and interacting with fellow students is my way of serving Him.

Our attitude is where the issue lies. Are we viewing our present duties as items to be checked off? Are we going about our days with this nagging pull of obligation looming overhead? Or are we gratefully accepting each task that comes our way, and completing it to the glory of our awesome God?

I'm making it my prayer this week to joyfully and thankfully check off each daily activity.

Wake up: It's so awesome that I've been given yet another day! check
Go to classes: I'm so privileged that my parents value my education enough to send me to this awesome school and it's the least I can do to attend the few classes I have each day. Check
Write a paper: I've been given such a sharp mind, and now I have the opportunity to demonstrate and expand upon its abilities through using language. check
Run: My ability to even perform this task is awe-inspiring. I have no right to grumble, but every reason to keep my body in good shape and good health. check.
Study for hours: I need to view this as a God-honoring activity that shows I'm committed to the responsibility he has currently given me, and I'm completing it to the best of my ability. check
Talk to the necessary people: God has placed all of these awesome individuals around me and even when it's hard, I should strive to do all I can to build them up. Likewise, he has placed the most amazing people in my life to build me up. check
Go to bed: Thank the Lord that sleep exists. check.
Repeat: with a cheerful attitude. always.

5

1. You make me smile
2. You make me laugh
3. You make me happy
4. I love being with you
5. Take the hint

May your new year be bright